When someone you care about is struggling with anxiety, depression, or another mental health difficulty, you may want to help but feel unsure how. Your role isn’t to fix them—it’s to be a steady, caring presence. These guidelines can help.
Listen without rushing to fix
Often what helps most is being heard. Let them share without jumping in with advice, “at least”s, or “you should.” Reflect back: “That sounds really hard,” or “I’m glad you told me.” You can ask, “What would be most helpful right now—listening, or help thinking through options?” Sometimes they just need to vent.
What to say
Phrases that usually land well: “I’m here for you,” “You don’t have to go through this alone,” “It’s okay to not be okay,” “Would you like company or some space?” or “How can I support you today?” Avoid: “Just think positive,” “Others have it worse,” “Snap out of it,” or “Have you tried…?” unless they ask for ideas.
Offer practical support
Concrete help can ease the load: “Can I pick up groceries?” “Do you want me to come with you to an appointment?” “I can take the kids for a couple of hours.” Follow through on what you offer. Small, consistent acts matter more than grand gestures.
Gently encourage professional help
If they’re not in treatment and their functioning or safety is affected, you can say: “I’m worried about you. Would you be open to talking to someone?” or “A therapist/GP could help figure out what’s going on.” Don’t push repeatedly; one clear, kind suggestion can be enough. Respect their pace while staying warm.
Take care of yourself
Supporting someone in distress is draining. You need your own sleep, boundaries, and support. It’s okay to say, “I need to step away for a bit, but I’ll check in tomorrow.” You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider talking to a therapist or a support group for carers.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Being present, patient, and kind is one of the most valuable things you can offer.